Lillies Are For The Dead
by alexi wild-child
Summary: Tai and Kari have an adopted sister Lilly. For her family, Lilly's just Kari's replacement, little Lilly who doesn't count.
1. A Lilly by Any Other Name

**Lilies Are For The Dead**

I heard them talking about me today. I didn't know that they talk about me, that I am so unusual that I keep their minds that busy.

"That's your little sister, Kari?" they said in a surprised tone, holding their hands in front of their mouth to express their surprise. "You mean that shy little girl? The one that looks so serious. She sure seems to be too serious for a child her age, doesn't she?" They laughed at that – Kari, too. The more serious I am, the more silly they think they have to act, I guess. It doesn't hurt me, really. "What's her name?" - "Lilly? That sure is a very beautiful name!" I could have told them that I didn't like my name, that I wanted to be called anything but that. "She's so serious..." "And shy. Her voice is barely above a whisper." "If she talks at all..." I could have told them that I just didn't like talking to them, but what good would that bring? "She doesn't look like you, Kari." "Yeah. You're so different..." They laughed at that again, and I know why. I could have told them that I didn't want to be anything like Kari, that she was not as lovely as people think she is. I could have told them even though it would have been pointless, since they wouldn't have believed me. At least, I think Kari told them that we're not really sisters.

Ken sometimes calls me "Tiger Lilly". That's the only time I actually like my name. It makes me feel special when he calls me that, I feel as if I belong to them. When I talk to Ken, I talk loudly, and much... I'm not shy then, I'm his wild little Tiger Lilly who laughs a lot.

The name on my school file says "Lilly Yagami", but Lilly Yagami isn't me. Lilly Yagami doesn't exist, but if she did, she would probably be a copy of Kari – Tai's second favourite sister, Mother's uncomlicated best friend, Father's altruistic, innocent baby girl.

I call them Mother and Father, but I've always known that they're not my real parents. When Kari was very sick, they decided they wanted another child, another little girl. Can you imagine that? They wanted a replacement for a child! (They would never admit it, but I know them.) I was fostered and adopted after Kari got well again, I don't know why they stuck to their idea of needing another little girl. They welcomed me in the family and treated me as if I'd always belonged to them – they didn't understand that I needed my time to get used to them, that I couldn't understand what was going on. It was Mother and Kari together who decided that my name should be Lilly. I know that I had another name once – that I had another name given to me at my birth. However, it didn't count for them. I was little Lilly, Kari's favourite doll. They pretend they still want me, they love me, but I know the truth when I look into their eyes: I'm not a real person for them. I'm little Lilly.

Tai's the only one who is sincere towards me, I'm a real person for him: a real person he can hate. I've found out that he thinks it was his fault when Kari nearly died. For him, I'm a threat to Kari, a replacement that wouldn't have been necessary if he hadn't caused Kari's breakdown. It's his fault, but he's not the person who hates himself, he rather turns his hatred towards me. I'm not his precious little sister, I'm just a disturbtion. He deeply cares about Kari, he watches her closely and looks out for her, he wants to protect her. I can see his love and care for her in his eyes. Whenever she coughs, whenever she seems to be depressed, he's at her side, talking to her, comforting her, doing whatever she asks of him in her sweet voice. Never would he do that for me, but I'm okay with it. I'm used to it.

There's not much love in my life, but I'm okay with that, too. I've always had my stories, my pictures, my numbers and math... I found love and joy in so many things. I'm eleven now, nearly twelve, and they say that I'm a genius. A prodigy. Maybe that's the reason I feel so attached to Ken, he knows what it feels like to be special. In fact, he's the only one who acknowledges that I'm indeed special, and I like that.

Mother and Father stubbornly ignore the fact that I might be so intelligent. They say it's not good for a child to be ahead of other children. They say that would take away my childhood, but what they don't see is that they already ripped my childhood off me when they made me a member of their hypocritical family. Tai even hates me for being smart, he says I'm just a little know-it-all, and that I "suck". Kari thinks I'm still just her sweet little sister, the one she could dress up when she was bored. Everything I say, everything I do, they ignore. It's as if I'm living in another world, where I can see them and talk to them, but they can't see me, they can't hear me. When I was little, I did everything to make them proud of me, I was always good, I never cried, even when I was hurt. I thought that some day, I would find a way to make them love me for who I was, but now I know they never will.

The only one who really loves me for who I am is Eveemon, my digimon. I'm her partner, her sould mate, her best friend in the whole wide world, and she's mine. I met her when I was six – when Tai and the others met theirs digimon partners. That moment, I didn't fully understand that my life would change forever, but as time passed by, Eveemon and I grew closer, and today, we're inseperable. She's not a very strong digimon, she says, but I know she would do anything for me – and I would do the same and more for her. When Kari joined us, Eveemon understood that for Tai, I was just a shadow of that girl – that I was just a shadow for all of them. She saw it and understood that I actually felt like a little shadow.

"Your name, does it have a meaning?" she once asked.

"A lilly is a flower", I answered, "they put lillies on dead people's graves." Lillies are for the dead, and I felt dead. I died when I was made Kari's little sister. They dragged me into the shadows and murdered me there, they watched me as I died slowly. Lilly – what a fateful name. A name for a dead person, it became! How suitable.

Eveemon is the one I share everything with: the stories I write, the pictures I draw. And she is happy when I do that. She smiles for me when I can't smile, and she cries the tears I can't cry anymore. She watches over me when I am scared at night.

I've learned to be alone, I learned to be dead. And at first, I didn't understand how I came to deserve a digimon – esepcially one like Eveemon. Now, I know that everyone deserves such a friend, I'm confident enough to know that it was not right what Mother, Father, Tai and Kari did to me. I know it, but I keep silent.

They still think I'm their little Lilly, the dead flower. I sometimes wished I was really dead, maybe then, they would mourn for me, they would feel sorry and love me. Maybe if I was dead, they would see what I meant to them – that I did mean something to them – and that I was more than they gave me credit for.

And sometimes, I can't help but wish that I was never born.


	2. Little Runaway

Kari is always the weak little girl we all have to look after. And even though she says that she's stronger now, and that she doesn't want anyone to baby her, I know her better than that. I know that she enjoys the attention she gets – she, of all people, likes nothing better. I guess she's more clever than we all give her credit for. Not half as selfless as we always think. She knows that by saying she's strong and okay, everyone just thinks how _brave_ she is, and how _good_ at heart. I don't mind – I'm okay with the fact that everyone just _loves_ my sister. However, why does the love for Kari always come with anger and hate for me?

I remember the day when Kari got sick in the digiworld. Tai, of course, immediately planned to get medicine for her – and I know that he would destroy all of us if he could just save Kari. He didn't care about Sora, Izzy, TK or me. I saw what would happen: I saw the destruction, I saw that we were too weak because we had been seperated. Joey and Mimi where elsewhere, and Matt was all alone with his darkest thoughts – he was in a world where maybe not even Gabumon could reach him. I had visions before – I saw shadows of digimons that lurred in the dark, waiting for us, I heard people saying things before they actually said them -, but still, I was not really in tune with my inner sense. In fact, nobody really knew about it, and I know Tai – of all people – wouldn't have believed me if I ever told him. So, I promised to myself that I would never tell him.

Eventually, I did tell him. I went to him before he left with Izzy to get medicine for Kari. We were alone in the hall, and I looked up at him with all my bravery and told him: "Please, don't go, big brother."

"I have to, I have to save Kari!"

"Yeah, but at least, wait a little... If you go, something terrible's going to happen. I saw it, I saw that we all..."

"Liar! You don't know anything! I have to save Kari!"

He slapped me hard across the face, and I fell down to the ground. The physical pain even matched that in my soul, but it went away, while the inner wound is still there. I can feel it up to this day.

Later, when he knew I was right – oh yes, he saw that I was right! -, he didn't apologized. He never did, we never talked about it again. He had slapped me like Mother had slapped him the day Kari had been in hospital because of him. Unlike him, I didn't deserve it. I don't care if he deserved it, but he had no right to do it to me. Especially not after I hadn't want to do anything bad, I would have saved us faster. Eveemon is the only one who knows about it, and when I told my digimon, she wanted to bite Tai. I told her to keep it a secret. I know I asked much of her, since seeing me suffer made her sad, too, and the last thing I wanted was seeing her sad.

Kari got hurt because of me, too. We went to the digiworld with Davis and TK. I usually don't like going with the three of them, they suck. What do the guys think is so special about Kati anyway? I don't know. We went to the digiworld, Davis and TK argued, and Kari pretended to be the peacemaker. I was walking behind them with Eveemon, looking around. I even enjoyed the subtropical rain forest around us. If it hadn't been for the three teenagers, I would have been pretty happy.

I walked so far behind that I didn't see them anymore, I just heard Kari screaming. I never found out how she managed, but she fell down a cliff as she probably laughed and chatted with the boys. No evil digmon was around, just Davis and TK, staring at Kari, calling her name. She didn't answer, she just lay there in the sand while the waves of the ocean sang their lullaby. Her eyes were closed and she didn't move.

David's and TK's digimons managed to get her and we took her back to the real world. They were too shocked to explain anything to me. It was Kari's own fault, I guess, but Tai blamed me. We brought Kari to the hospital room in our school, and I went to get Tai. When I told him what had happened – or at least, what I knew of the events – he boxed me so hard on my ear that I fell down to the ground. Without taking another look at me, he hurried to get to his little sister. The sister he was binded to by the ties of flesh and blood; the one his mother had given birth to. Blood sure is sicker than water... And I couldn't help but wonder: _Why_?

_Why was I the one who was never accepted?_

_Why was I the one who had lost her real family?_

_Why was I the one always being blamed for everything?_

Eveemon found me sitting on the floor, just where I had faced Tai minutes before. I hadn't moved ever since my big brother had hit me. However, I didn't cry. I just sat there, staring at the concrete wall in front of me. It was a grey wall, I began to grew fond of the colour and the material and the wall in general. I don't know why, but I thought that if I died right now, it was okay to make the wall the last thing I had seen.

"You okay?" my little digimon asked carefully.

I turned around my head and looked at my closest friend in the world. And I discovered that I had been stupid thinking about the wall. Eveemon... If I could ever choose the last thing to see in this world, it would be Eveemon. There was no doubt about that.

With a smile, I replied: "Sure. Come on, let's go."

We walked home on silence. I didn't care about Kari, I didn't care about Tai, or Mother, or Father or the atom bomb... I didn't care about anything but Eveemon and me. And Eveemon and I, the two of us would leave. I had made up my mind peacefully – it was as if I had eventually found the answer to a question that had bothered me all my life; I was relieved I had finally seen the solution right under my nose.

My digimon friend didn't ask. Eveemon waited on the bed while I made my life unhappen. I was determined to leave no proof of my existence. I kept us locked up in my room all night to make preparations: I scanned pictures and photographs and every personal paper and saved it on my laptop. Old toys, I stuffed into boxes; they could have as well been Tai's or Kari's. The original photographs, papers, CDs and DVDs I owned were to be kept in a locker in the station. As soon as I was far away, Ken could have them and keep them for me. Maybe, one day, I would come back. I packed the money I had saved, my camera, my digivice, a notebook and pens, and a few clothes into my backpack. When I was done, every one of my personal belonging had been taken care of. Lilly Yagami would stop to exist.


	3. A Lilly No More

I had never been a very hungry child. The woman who had adopted me had awlays said I ate as much as a sparrow (especially comapred to her own children). She never thought that I ate so less because she was a lousy cook. Still, her inability to produce proper food had trained me to live on very little nourishment. As an orphaned, self-re-orphaned runaway, it came in handy. I fed Eveemon with a few crakcers and she soon fell asleep, hidden in my backpack.

I gazed at my nearly transparent reflection in the window and couldn't help but smile. The girl now smiling back at me was anyone but Lilly. Lilly had ceased to exist. That girl I saw was nameless – fateless. And I liked her looks. There was a thin, olive-skinned face with large, dark-brown eyes, and I had seen this face so many times before, but it had changed – now, it was framed by short, messy black hair with red strains in it. I had cut and dyed my hair just a few hours ago in the restroom at the station.

Lilly had ceased to exist.

No chidish, proper clothes of a middle-class Japenese child. I wore a pair of torn hip-hugging jeans and a violet t-shirt with splashes of different colours on it (I had once worn it during an art workshop at school). I looked cool and tough, or so I thought.

A Lilly no more.

I couldn't help but continue to smile with glee. There I was, barely twelve years old, with clothes that covered the fact that I had ever been looked after by petty adoptive parents, sitting in a train with just my digimon partner for company.

I didn't know where I could eat or sleep tomorrow, but I didn't care. All I needed was with me – Eveemon was with me and I was free. "Oh yeah!" I said to myself and sank back into the seat. Never before I had felt so free, so careless, so safe! I wanted to dance, but that would have just caught the attention of the others passengers, and I couldn't risk being remembered. Even though I looked different now, people might still recognise me if they saw Lilly's picture on the news.

I had never been a very hungry child, but now I felt as if I was going to starve. Never before had I been so hungry! Hunger was burning in the pit of my stomach, and I knew Eveemon felt the same way. Two days ago, I had stolen bread from a shop, but that hadn't lasted for very long.

"What are we going to do?" Eveemon asked.

We were sitting by a river, resting in the late afternoon sun of Yokohama. A few students in uniforms and adults in suits walked by and paid us no attention – the half-starved child and it digital companion.

"I don't know." I had never known what I had wanted to do. Being a runaway turned out do be not as glorious as I had imagined. We were hungry, dirty, and my back was aching because I had been sleeping on the hard floor of a restroom the past two weeks. The search for food was our main occupation all day, it was like a holy quest we somtimes couldn't even accomplish, so we went to sleep with an empty belly.

We had seen a few other street kids and beggars of course, but none of them looked too friendly, so we had decided to stay away from them. We had each other, that was enough. I didn't allow myself to think any further than our next meal. The week before, I had stolen pastels from a paper shop and painted a picture onto the pavement near a mall in order to get money from passers-by. That had worked pretty good, but then, a gang of punks had approached me on the third day and I had fled.

All in all, life on the street was difficult, but not very exciting either. It was struggling to exist, but not the kind of adventure I had imagined. I had thought of myself as something like Buddha on his journey, searching for some kind of... eternal truth or the like. Now, I saw myself faced with a bunch of everyday-problems I couldn't even master properly. And I didn't only carry the responsibility for myself, but also for my digimon. I couldn't let myself go, I had to stand through every single day the best I could, trying to find food, a place to wash and a place to rest. For my best friend, who would never let me down either.

I stared up at the sky, gazing at the clouds above me. If I was a bird, if I was a cloud, if I was the blue in the sky...

"I've been thinking about it," Eveemon said carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"What are we going to do? I've been living with you long enough to know that this isn't the way you usually live in your world. Children need to go to school, so they learn and can get a job. That's what Wormmon said, too!"

"I don't want to go to school! I'm clever enough!" That was only partly true. I even missed school – more than my former family at least. I missed math and literature class and science and especially art... Still, there was no way I would ever go back! "Come on, Eveemon, we're together, that's all that counts!"

My digimon went silent again, and I knew it wasn't a good kind of silence. "Why did you run away? I mean, what did you think you was running away to?" she eventually asked.

"Nothing," I answered, though that wasn't really helpful. That was just what had been on my mind. "I just... I wanted to be away from Tai and Kari! I miss Ken and Izzy and Cody, but about the rest... Well, I don't belong to my family, you know that."

"We can find you a new one," my digimon suggested – and she meant it. It was an oblivious, easy solution.

"You can't just go and find a new family. A family is something you're bond to by blood and birth and all..."

"Why don't you search the family you're bond to by blood then?"

I was a twelve-year old prodigy, I had been suffering for years, I had fought evil digimon, I had nearly died one... And still, after all that, I had never seriously thought about my real family. If you could call it a family at all. Truth was, I had been scared – I had been afraid I would just get disappointed and hurt, so I had banished the thought of finding my birth parents from my mind. For my own good.

"I could...," I said slowly, "It would be a possibility. Yes."

"So, let's go!" My little digimon jumped onto its feet, eager to start our new quest.

"I don't know how to do it!"

"Don't you remember anything?"

Eveemon! "I was a baby, genius! I can't possilbly remember _anything_!"

"Ask Izzy or Ken! They can find out _everything_ – and they would do it for you."

So, why did I start searching for my root? Honest answer: I didn't know what else to do. That was, maybe the safest reason to do it: If I did it out of boredom, I did it because I wanted nothing else but to be occupied, to take my mind off. It didn't matter what I found because I didn't care about it and therefore coudn't be hurt.

Maybe I should randomly mention that I am pathetic. And kind of mentally-disturbed...


	4. Girl Without a Name

Once upon a time, there was a name and there wasn't. Once upon a time, there was a child by that very name, but the name wasn't meant to stay, because the child wasn't meant to exist. It's life turned into another one's when it was still short enough not to be remembered by those involved.

That child was me. I was that child, though I don't know anything about me. I had ceased to exist before I had even lived. Was it possible to claim that life back? An empty life, a life like a blank sheet of paper, a life I could re-invent just as I pleased. A new chance. A second chance. I could be who I wanted to be.

Maybe I should be happy about it. Still: When Lilly had been invented, she had been supposed to be a replacement for Hikari Yagami. When other parents name their children, they give them an identity as their own person. I had been denied that – I had been denied that simple right that every other child takes for granted. Why should I feel happy now, that I only got what others can call their own right from the start? It's rather sad that I had to wait for twelve years till I got equal chances.

"Where should we start looking?" Eveemon asked, just when we had finished a meagre lunch (crackers and cheese) in the park.

I chewed slowly, gaining time to think about an answer. Eventually, I said: "There must be a ministry or something for adopted children." Let's take a look at this: I've spent about seven years of my life going to school day after day (minus the holidays and weekends, I mean), and I didn't know where to start looking for my biological heritage. You see: The systems works! Why hadn't anybody ever bothered to teach me where the adopted children came from? Dammit!

"Can you go to them and ask them?"

"Well... Then I would have to tell them who I am... and I'm a runaway, so they will only send me back to my adoptive parents. And that's not really what I want, is it?" I sighed and put another cracker into my mouth. That was the first meal in three days, and both my digimon and I had nearly starved. I really had to think up some way to get food on a regular basis.

After a little while, Eveemon fell asleep in a bush near the lake, and I started wandering through the park. There were children playing ball and other games, but I didn't feel like joining in. Those other people were way to careless, way too ignorant for me. I was different, after all: living all on my own on the streets as a twelve-year-old runaway, grown-up with a great responsibility on my shoulders.

Sitting down in a bench, I thought about my new existence. Not the one as a runaway, but the one as the person I had been born as. The baby I had been, the girl I had been before I had become Lilly Yagami. Did I have a normal name like Jane or Ashley? A little old-fashioned maybe like Doris? European like Ingrid or more modern like Tracy? I had always liked to read books and find out the name of new characters. Choosing names had always been one of the best parts when I had written a story. At school, we also had had that kind of exercise: Make up an example for group work. Then, I had invented a group and every member had got his or her own name.

"Hey, you!" Someone dropped onto the bench beside me.

I looked up and straight into the face of a boy of maybe fourteen or fifteen. He had a wide grin on his face, blonde (bleached) hair and hazel eyes. His face was looking normal. I mean, really normal, the kind of face you would give every person you only hear about in a story and don't have any further description of.

"Hey," I muttered, a little confused.

"I've seen you near the mall the other day. Wasn't you that girl that draw some awesome picture onto the pavement to get some money?" he asked casually as he shove a hand into the pocket of his jeans jacket.

"Yes."

Eventually, he pulled out a package of cigarettes from his pocket and offered me one. "That also helps if you're hungry."

"I don't smoke."

"I see. You haven't lived like that for very long, have you?

"How do you know?" I was a little surprised by his sudden out-of-nothing friendliness. The other street kids hadn't treated me very nicely, though I had had only little contact with them.

Before he answered, he lit himself a cigarette and inhaled deeply with a satisfied look on his face. "You'll start it, too, after a while, you'll see. There are kids, though, who are more drawn to stronger stuff, but I keep away from it. I saw what it did to my brother. When they came to get him, I swore to myself I would never touch it."

I didn't really know what he meant by "stronger" stuff, but I figured he was some kind of an expert about living as a runaway, so I thought maybe I could get one or two things from him. Especially one or two things about getting food. So, at least, one of my recent problems would be solved.

"You're not really one for talking, are you? What's your name?"

"Dunno."

"You dunno?" He laughed. "You don't know your name or you don't want to tell me? If it's the last, that's fine with me. I would be careful, too, if I were you. I could be some spy from the police or worse. Everyone calls me Fortran, by the way."

"You mean like that difficult computer language whom everyone considers to be the most complicated in the world?"

"Wow, seems as if I've picked out an expert. A pretty little girl who also knows about Fortran… I'm impressed. If you can also grow grass in your back pocket, I'd like to marry you."

"You mean grass like pot?"

He had finished smoking his cigarette and laughed heartily now. "I see. You're still a little blue-eyed around the edges. I liked the idea of the portrait on the pavement, by the way. You're talented."

I blushed and turned my head away. Fortran was strange, I decided, but there was also something about him that I liked.

"Well, if you can't tell me your name, is there anything you can tell me about you?"

"I don't know if there's anything that's important for you to know about me," I replied smartly.

"How old are you?"

"Thirteen," I lied.

"I've been living on the streets since I'm twelve. My old man sometimes gets me, but he can't keep me off here for too long. Some day, I hope, he will give up entirely and let me be. What about you? Have any family?"

"Nope. I'm orphaned, I guess."

"I see. My mom's dead, too, but she never cared too much about me anyway. Was too busy with her own problems, I guess, and with my father, of course. Where did you run away from?"

"Adoptive family."

"Weren't they nice to you?"

"Not really. They have a biological daughter who is a little older than me. I was supposed to be her replacement. She once nearly died, and in case that ever happened again, they wanted to have a replacement right away. She still lives, though."

"And you don't want to live playing the second violin all your life, huh?"

"Exactly. I had an older adoptive brother, and he always blamed me for everything, so I couldn't stand it any longer one day. And here I am."

"If I had been your brother, I would have treated you much nicer."

I looked up and felt that I blushed again.

Fortran only smiled, though. "I mean, you're pretty and clever and nice, so what else can you ask out of a little sister? Anyway…" He brushed over his lips with his tongue and looked up at the sky. "What about this: Same time here tomorrow?"

I nodded and we said good-bye. See you tomorrow. Whatever it is good for.

"Lilly?" It was physically painful to hear the name of that girl, and I was tempted to hang on the phone again. "Lilly, I know it's you, isn't it?"

"Kind of not," I said.

"What do you mean?" Ken asked. "Where the hell are you? We've all been searching…"

"Stop it then! You won't find me!" I nearly screamed. Tears gathered in my eys. I didn't want to hear any of this. I didn't want to hear that people were looking for me – my adoptive family because they thought it was their duty and my friends because they cared for me. I didn't want to hear that I was missed and people were worried because of my disappearance. "I… I have Eveemon with me. We're fine."

"Lilly…"

"NO!" I shouted. I screamed. I bellowed. I wanted to be louder than him so I wouldn't hear him saying that name ever again. "Don't call me that! That's not me! That's not my name, so stop calling me that!"

"Okay," Ken said calmly. "Okay, whatever you like. But what should I call you then?"

"I don't know… I haven't found out yet. That's why I'm calling. I need you to help me find it out." I pressed the receiver hard against my ear. My hand was shaking. "I need your help finding out who I really am, Ken. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course!" He sounded as if he wanted to say: 'How can you ever doubt my loyalty? I'm your friend!'

"Thank you."

"What do you want me to do, Tiger."

"I… I want to know where I come from. I need to know who I am! My real name! My birth parents! Anything!"

"Good."

"And… Don't tell anyone that I called. Okay?"

"Okay. You're really fine?"

"Sure." I did my best to sound convincing. "I'm all right. But I need your help."

"Okay. I'll get you all the information you need. How can I reach you when I've found out?"

"I'll call again. How much time will it take you?"

"A few days maybe. It depends."

"I'll call again next week."

"Okay. Take care, Tiger."


	5. Crash and Burn

"I don't know if that is such a good idea," Eveemon said softly.

I felt her movements against my back as I carried her in my rucksack. Of course, it wasn't a good idea: I went to a strange underground club with someone I had only known for a day. I entered a place where dozens of wracked up teenagers were hanging around, smoking, drinking and who knew what else. They smelled, their clothes looked either like rags or bitchy --- those were the children everybody forgot. The Lost Kids. And I was no better than them. I smelled, too, my nose was running, my clothes had seen better days, and hunger was burning in the pit of my stomach. I was a runaway, a child with no parents – no family.

I was one of them.

Music was playing in the background – soft beats, a levelled tune. But you didn't come to The Mole for the music, Fortran had told me. You come because you can't go anywhere else.

My new "friend" sat with a bunch of other teenagers – including three very delicately dressed girls in mini skirts and leather straps. I swallowed down my uneasiness.

"Don't worry, I'll rescue you if you're in trouble," Eveemon whispered.

"I know." I smiled softly. "Thank you."

"Hey there, girl without a name!" Fortran called out.

"Hey there, boy with the strange name," replied I and approached his group.

"Hm… cute," one of the girls said and blew the smoke of her cigarette into my face.

"I like your hair," another girl said and took a strain of it in between her thumb and index finger as if I was some kind of doll. She giggled. "You really look _tough_," she said sarcastically.

I wasn't supposed to look cute! I had dyed my hair, torn my clothes, changed my style. I wasn't so petty and sweet like Kari! I was… me!

The third girl sighed and everyone's face turned to her as if she was the alpha wolf and everything depended on her opinion. "She's only a kid," said she.

I felt offended and wanted to say something in my defence. But obviously, "She's just a kid" was already meant to defend me. She went on: "She's okay for a … ten year old?"

"I'm fourteen," I lied.

They all laughed.

"How sweet!" one of the boys said.

The alpha girl sighed again. "You don't have to lie to us. Honestly, you look no older than ten."

"I'm twelve, honestly."

"Yeah, I see." She took my face in between her hands as if I was from an unknown species and she was a scientist exploring me. "You're really cute. I like your style."

"And she's smart. She sure can be of some use," Fortran said.

"What use?" I asked.

"First, we should make some introductions," the leader girl decided. "I'm Deidra, this is Melody," she pointed to the girl who had blown her smoke into my eyes earlier, "and the other girl is Yukisha. You know Fortran and… well, those are Trent, Cyber, Mack, and Tobey."

The boys didn't even nod to show me who was who, but obviously, that wasn't important – if I was to be part of the group, I would learn their names later.

"So, you have no name?" Deidra asked.

I shook my head.

"I can understand you. Wouldn't want to be someone I'm not either. Well, actually, we all changed our names." That made sense: Who would run away if he liked the person he was? "You can choose what you want to be called."

"I wanna be called by my real name."

"But you don't know your real name, as Fortran told me."

"I'll find out."

"How do you want to do that?"

"I'll find out."

Deidra smiled. "I like that kid!" she declared.

And then they told me what their group was about: They were not satisfied being street kids. They wanted more, and they found their ways to get more. Their first priority was selling drugs – something that was traditional. The only difference was: They didn't take any themselves. That was only for losers. Then, they hacked into systems, used faked credit card numbers to order items on the internet they re-sold again. They used the address of empty houses and waited for the mail outside in the front garden, pretending to be gardening or something like that.

They slept in a garden hut near a railway – some of them, at least, some of the time. Some – especially Deidra – went out all night, doing business or partying. Whatever they were in the mood for.

Eveemon stayed underground. Sometimes, they teased me because I always carried around my backpack, and they laughed when they thought I had a stuffed animal in their. But on the long run, this was even my advantage: the "stuffed animal" made me look even more like a little kid, and who would suspect a girl with a toy fox selling drugs in a park?

At least, I had food and a place to sleep. Life was getting easier for the next two weeks. I learned quickly to adapt to that new way of living.

Fortran got me drunk on my third day in the hut. After a bottle of beer and a few sips of vodka, I was hysterical, and half an hour later, I had to purge, but he assured me this was all perfectly normal. I would get used to it.

We had access to computers in Tobey's home. Well, it was his father's house, but his father was never there – he was in prison. We couldn't stay there for longer than a few hours a week, though, because the neighbours would notice, and call the police or the youth welfare department or something like this.

"You should come to The Flame with us," Melody told me one night. The Flame was one of the clubs, I had already been there for business.

Deidra was sceptical. "Well, but you keep and eye on her." She was the leader, and for some kind of reason, she was the voice of reason. "There are quite a few guys only waiting to mess with cute little girls like you, kiddo."

I understood. I had already fought of some attempts of the male race to make me get my pants off. "I'm not stupid."

"You'd better not be," said she.

"But leave your backpack there this time. The Flame is no place for toys, for heaven's sake!"

So I went to The Flame with Melody, Tobey, Mack, and Fortran – and I felt safe enough to go without my digimon. Eveemon, too, agreed that I could look out for myself. I wasn't an underaged runaway for nothing.

The Flame was loud, all the people there were either drugged or drunk – I guess most were both. They were dancing, making out… Well, and I guess some did even more in the dark corners.

It was too loud for my taste, and suddenly, I felt uneasy, as if I felt it wasn't safe her. How did I get there in the first place? I had been a kid genius in my school, I had been a digidestined, saving the world! I had been Lilly Yagami, someone that didn't exist, I reminded myself.

As my friends were all busy with either dancing or flirting, I went out to make a phone call. It was half past eleven at night, but for sure, Ken would be glad to hear from me, no matter what time it was.

"Li… I mean, is that you, tiger?" he was wide awake as soon as he recognized my voice. "How are you?" He shouted – as if I didn't hear him.

"I'm fine," I said calmly. "I found a group to hang out with. They're kind of taking care of me." I didn't mention the credit card fraud or the drugs.

"What kind of people?" He sounded shocked anyway.

"They're nice," I said in a tone that was meant to tell him I wouldn't discuss the issue now.

"We're all worried! They… Tai and Kari and…"

"Don't mention them! They're not my siblings!"

"They're all searching for you! Your parents…"

"Adoptive parents!"

"You're being childish now! I thought you'd just need some time and come back, but this is going to far. You'll get yourself hurt! They're your family and they love you! You should see them how they…"

"Stop it, Ken!"

"And every digidestined out there is looking for you!"

Great, now I had to be careful not to get caught! Thanks a lot, Ken.

"What about the favour I asked of you?" I changed the topic.

"I talked to Tai, Kari and your parents…"

"Their parents!"

"…about it. They'll tell you anything if you just come home!"

"Traitor!" I hung up the phone. How could he let me down like this? Why had he suddenly changed his mind and wouldn't help me? Well, I didn't need him! I could find out who I was on my own.

I walked back to the club entrance, when I heard a deep male voice say: "That's the girl."

I stopped and turned around to see two really _huge_ men standing in a sideway.

"Hey!" One of the approached me. "You've been… busy here a few days ago, haven't you?"

He was talking about the drug selling. And he didn't look very pleased.

"This is my area – this is my club, I'm the owner." He grabbed me by my upper arm. "And if there is someone making business here, it's me!"

"Talking about business," said the other man as he joined us. He knelt down so I could see his face. There was a scar across his forehead, and his front teeth were missing. "Hm… Pretty enough, I'd say."

I was to scared to move. I felt like throwing up.

"What…" I whimpered. I was entirely paralyzed. A part of me knew what they were talking about, but consciously, I just thought this wasn't happening. This just wasn't turning out that bad!


	6. At the Edge

My ribs cracked as I was thrown against the wall. I tried to scream, but a big hand was pressed onto my mouth and muffled my voice to nothingness. Hot tears drew a veil across my eyes, so I couldn't even see properly.

So, that's how it would all end, I thought. Not the end exactly – but when they were finished with me, I knew I would wish I was dead. Nonetheless, I struggled and fought. I kicked and tried to move my arms, though they held them firmly.

Whoever I was – whatever my name was, I wouldn't give in so easily!

"Hold her, damn it! Hold her, for heaven's sake!" one of the men shouted.

I received a slap across my face. And a second one.

"Leave her ALONE!" A wave of air shook me back – an all too well-known wave. I was freed from the man's grip and fell to my knees.

"Little Tornado!"

My attackers screamed, they cursed, and eventually, they ran off.

"Eveemon!" I cried out. My digimon jumped into my arms, and I clung to it as of my very life depended on it. In fact, it did. If it hadn't been for Eveemon… My dearest of friends! "Eveemon!" I sobbed. My body was shaking violently and I couldn't stop, even though I really wanted to find my composure again.

"It's okay, they're gone."

"What the hell is that?"

I turned around to see Deidra appearing from out of the shadows. Her gaze was fixed upon Eveemon.

"Ou…" muttered Eveemon. I hold her tightly.

"That's a… _digimon_!" shrieked Deidra. She knelt down beside me and sighed. "Oh gosh, kiddo, I have no words for you anymore!" She held a handkerchief to my face and I blew my nose. "That was close, mh?"

I nodded.

"I already thought I would have to interfere." A yellow cross-breed between a dog and a bear on two legs with fluffy, white ears stood beside Deidra.

"A… A _digimon_?"

"That's Flavumon. My partner," explained Deidra.

"I thought they were going to take me," said I - a very stupid statement, but I just had to talk to shake the fear off. "I thought they would… And then… They were so…"

"It's all right. But we'd better go. They usually come back when they think about it and learn what hit them. Flavumon had to fight them off quite some times before, and they tend to get violent the second time." Deidra's voice sounded not very interested or touched, more as if she was talking about harmless everyday-things.

Flavumon climbed onto Deidra's back. I hold Eveemon in my arms and got up to my feet, too.

"You never told me you had a digimon partner," said I as we walked down the street.

"Neither did you. Well, I knew it anyway, though. It's not as if I'm dumb and can't tell a stuffed animal from a living thing. I'm not Melody." She laughed.

"Rarely anyone is," said Flavumon, "that's why I don't hide in a backpack."

I blushed. Suddenly, I felt bad for making Eveemon stay in a bag for so long and pretend she was a toy.

We went to our shack. Tobey and Mack were sleeping and snoring on the floor, obviously drunken. Deidra took a bottle of water out of a cupboard and handed it over to me. "Calm down, it's all right."

We sat down on the floor, each holding our digimons in our laps.

"How did it happen?" Deidra asked.

"I… I was thrown into the digital world when I was seven. During summer camp. With my… With a few other kids."

"So, you're one of the originals? One who was at in the other world?"

"You've ever been there?"

"No, not really. I rather like it here – and Flavumon, too, don't you, darling?" She kissed Flavumon onto one soft ear and the digimon nodded.

"When did you meet?"

"That was… Well, about three or four years back, if I'm not mistaken, when I was eleven. I hacked into a computer programm and suddenly, the desktop of my laptop changed. It turned… Well, there was kind of a rainbow, gleaming and shining really brightly. So brightly, indeed, that I had to look away. And then Flavumon was standing right in front of me."

"And we've stuck together ever since," said her digimon. "Through everything. I promised her mother."

"What do you mean?"

Suddenly, Deidra looked uneasy, but she answered anyway: "My mother died of cancer when I was twelve. But… But she died peaceful knowing I wouldn't be alone. Knowing I will always have Flavumon."

"I'm sorry. For you mom, I mean."

"It's okay." She drew in a deep breath. "It was… She's no longer in pain. She suffered terribly, but now it's over and… Well, she's okay now. She's never been the motherly type anyway. Only when she got sick and ugly and nobody wanted to see her on the cover of a magazine any longer."

"Oh," said I.

"My uncle raised me," she went on. Before, she had never been that talkative. But it seemed that the ice had broken once I had learned one of her secrets. Maybe I was wrong, but she even seemed to enjoy it – there was something painful inside of her, and it was getting a smaller and smaller as she told me about her life. "He is great, really. Only… Well, he was really smart and when he was young, he studied chemistry, but he had problems and… He was a genius, but had to drop out of university. He ran a youth hostel - - - and he made crystal myth with a friend in his basement. The police found out and now he is in prison. He got twelve years.

My father took me in, but he has that really annoying wife and extraordinarily dumb stepchildren. I can't stand the sight of them, I swear!"

"They're awful," agreed Flavumon.

"Wow. I didn't think that… I mean I didn't expect that."

"We don't talk about those things. You got me?"

"Yes."

"Great." She smiled – she rarely did that. "By the way, kid, it's time you choose a name. It sucks to not know what we should call you."

"I told you I only want my real name."

"Honestly? I mean, a name is not so important. I've changed mine quite a few times. Samantha, Chloe, Hazel… It doesn't matter to me."

"What's your real name then?"

"What do you care?"

"If it really doesn't matter to you, why won't you just tell me?"

"Smartass," she muttered. "It's Swan."

"Pardon?"

"My name. My real name is Swan. Pretty dumb, isn't it?"

No. "Swans mate for life," said I.

She laughed bitterly. "Just don't tell anyone. Especially not Fortran."

The next day, Deidra – Swan said I should go back to painting pictures on the pavement for a while. I had drawn too much attention selling drugs, pills and the items we had purchased over the internet. But I still got to receive packages in front of empty houses. The postmen never suspected I might be anything but an innocent child.

One day, I was bathing in the sun in front of an empty house, waiting for a few cell phones to arrive. I had removed the "FOR SALE" sign. Eveemon dozed beside me. It was a nice day, and for a while, I was even prepared to forget my real situation. I might indeed be the daughter of the house's owner. A man and a women – nice people who had named me…

"Hey, kiddo!" Fortran waved to me as he crossed the street. Swan followed him.

I put my backpack in front of Eveemon so Fortran wouldn't see her.

"No mail yet," reported I.

"We have thought about your case," said Swan.

"Me waiting here?"

"You not knowing who you are or where you came from, stupid!" She rolled her eyes. "Fortran and I brainstormed a little and we decided we should be able to help you. After all, we're the brightest hackers at this side of the Mississippi. Sure we can do something to find out your name."

"Really?" My face lightened up immediately.

"Sure. We just need to know the name your adoptive parents gave you – and the rest… Well, it can't be that hard," explained Fortran.

"Come on now," said Swan.

"Now?"

"Yes. Mack will come over. He'll guard this house for you."

Usually, we went over to Mack's to surf on the internet. This time, however, I found myself in a part of town I had never been before. It was an average housing-area. We entered a neat apartment building. Someone was already waiting for us in front of a flat on the fifth floor.

"Hey, gorgeous." A blonde young man with glasses gave Swan a hug, but didn't pay much attention to neither Fortran nor me.

"That's Jimmy," said Swan, introducing us to the stranger. "He works as a computer specialist. He says we can use his equipment for our job."

"Well, you might," Jimmy corrected her statement. "I would like to know what you're up to first."

"We just have to check something out. Do a little biographical research."

"Where?"

"Oh… I don't really know yet. Google?"

"We need to find out who I am!" said I.

Jimmy knitted his brows and studied me with a sceptic gaze. "What? You're a child, what more do you need to know?"

"I was adopted when I was little – and they changed my name. Even my first name! Now I have no clue who I am or where I come from! I am a copy of my adoptive family's daughter – THAT SUCKS!"

"Come on in." He sighed.

Jimmy had a nice apartment with a lot of technical stuff: two computers, a laptop, stereo… There were maps of countries and the whole world on the wall. It looked cool – I always wanted such tapestry, too, but my adoptive mother had insisted I should have a pink flower wallpaper like Kari had.

Swan headed for the laptop. Jimmy sat down next to her, wrapped and arm around her shoulder and leaned her face against her hair.

"You smell good," said he.

She turned her head to look at him and smiled. Her cheeks blushed slightly as if she was truly touched by his compliment and she smiled softly. "Thank you." She kissed him on the lips and whispered something in his ear.

Fortran and I exchanged a glance. He just shrugged. That was obviously Swan's business.

"We can check the mainframe of the… Ah, here it is. The child welfare department. Let's see what kind of server they use. They have a programme especially for their workers where they can log in and check out digital files, as far as I know."

Now it was Fortran's turn. He took his seat in front of the computer and waved to me to sit down next to him. Swan and Jimmy disappeared.

"Jimmy has a special modem. They can't trace it. If they try, they will think we're in Africa, Australia, Canada… all at once," explained Fortran.

"Cool."

He tipped and tipped and I glanced over his shoulders. My guts felt heavier in my stomach than ever before.

"I can create a new account and log in. It just takes some time."

He took him over three and a half hours, but Swan was impressed by his speed.


End file.
